It'll be twenty years next year.

Oct. 17th, 2017 07:23 pm
wanderlustlover: (Days We Won't Get Back - quebelly)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
Sometimes it's the oddest stray piece of conversation that tucks into us, unwitting, unwarned, like a hook catching in the mouth of a fish, there in the middle of the stream, there just getting through dinner and another bite of chicken with cranberries and apple pieces.

It''s been nineteen year now.

As I said, at the end of my last piece, there was dinner with my mother, at the Cracker Barrel, where they sadly haven't started truly serving fall flavors yet. There will be more in November, but for now it there's just the add for Pumpkin Pancakes and the graciousness of my server who brought me hot cider. (In leiu of hot Earl Grey or Darjeeling that might keep me up all night.)

Expounding, or evading. (I feel like a fountain burst, words pushing everyday outward.
Everything I do involves words. How have I missed words so much at the very same time?)

It'll be twenty years next year.

I don't remember quite where it started. A conversation about how long we'd been having dinners/meals together, and whether it had or hadn't been a decade. Since it's either a decade, or one year short of a decade, since I got my masters. (What does it even say that it took me that long in life to get around to a job that required it? What does it say that I never even noticed until now?)

My mother's rebuttal, was with the second of those quote. For what? My sister's passing.

It's not surprising it's on her mind. It's tomorrow. Tomorrow it's nineteen years.
Tomorrow another day passes and she's still gone; the world still somehow turning.
wanderlustlover: (Confessions - crystalkirk)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
I'm only here, and home, a few minutes between my long drive from work to home, and turning around to go out to my parent's house for my weekly Tuesday Night Dinner with Mom. I think a lot of about this. Writing. My journal. The space it used to be. Both how silent and empty it was the very beginning (in 2001, before I graduated), to the middle when it was the hot bed of the internet (both live journal, and dream width), to now with it's quiter, far more gamers heavy, placement.

I loved my journal from the beginning. It was my sacred place. My personal space. Even as it intersected with public space, it was not defined by it (save for that single, last, box-requiring, relationship). While I embrace the concept of the placebo effect as part plausibility,

I, also, feel like I have more space in my brain the last day or two, just jotting things down.

I miss this. All of it. My space, my place, my records, my larks.
The world that used to be all mine, but with open windows.


My children wrote goals for themselves last Monday (the one before this past one). They had to set three goals, and in the future beginning of each six weeks they will look at the goals they set and reflect on whether they met them. I set myself one goal and one sub-goal in relations to it.
Goal: Miss Tillman will go home at 4:30 on the days she does not have meetings and/or private tutoring scheduled, so that Amanda can go back to existing between more than 8pm and 6am, during which most time is spent sleeping.

Sub-Goal: Use extra hours recovered from not leaving at 5:30-6 every single night (which I did, basically, the whole first six weeks) to get back to the gym for weightlifting/swimming and to spend more time relaxing at home/anywhere that is not my desk chair.

Sub-Goal, Part 2: There will be no grading on Friday Nights or during Saturday's. Miss Tillman is banned from existing on these and may return, briefly on Sundays. Real life deserves it's forum and places just as much as being good at, and/or passionate about, the job you deeply love.
Today is the first time I've managed to do part one, as every afternoon last week had a meeting of some sort. No gym tonight, due to Mother's dinner, but I am readying my bag for standby in my car and continuing in this vein to getting more and more space to myself, my life, back to my normal routines. The healthy, happier, and more balanced I am, the better for my kids.


I've always been the girl who got more packages than anyone else in this neighborhood. That's a truth going on about five years now. But I have to wonder what story my mail man tells himself, or makes up, about the fact that 90% of my package/parcel flood of smaller packages these days come directly from Japan.

Morning made

Oct. 17th, 2017 06:44 am
wanderlustlover: (Squee!!! - aisling12)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
I'm still behind and need to pick something to do with my Introduction to Lear today, but my morning is made by the announcement of Yuletide Book Swap, Candy Swap & Drink Swap opening sign-ups last night. These swaps have become part and parcel with my Yuletide prep and enjoyment now and I'm excited to see everything Yuletide slotting into place for another amazing holiday season.

Yule Links & Calendars

Oct. 17th, 2017 06:41 am
wanderlustlover: (Holiday: Yule - Faroh's blank)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
Christmas Cards
Christmas Card Post One [Forthcoming]
Christmas Card Post Two [Forthcoming]
Christmas Card Post Three [Forthcoming]
Christmas Cards mailed, Dec 5th [forthcoming]

Fandom Stocking
Sign-ups, Nov ?? [ Comm here]
Stocking Link
Fill Some Stockings [forthcoming; post-Yuletide]

Holiday Wishlist
Holiday-Wishes, Nov ? [Comm Here]
Wish List, Nov 30 [Comm here, Entry Here]
Fill 3 wishes on Holiday Wishes [Forthcoming]
Fill 3 wishes on Wish List [Forthcoming]

'While we tell of Yuletide Treasure Fic
Sign-ups, Open - Oct 1
Sign-up, Completed - Oct 7
Assignment Received - Oct 10

Yuletide Letter [Here]
Canon Rewatching [Forthcoming]

Yuletide's Past Meme, December 15th [Forthcoming]

Master Index Post [here]
Memo Notes: Misses Claus, Chromatic Creating, Crueltide, Yuletide Drabble Madness, Wrapping Paper, Fem

'While we tell of Yuletide Treasure Swap
Sign-Up's, Oct 17 - Completed
Swap Ship Deadline, Nov 13th - [Forthcoming]
Mine: Sent/Received
Book Swap - [Forthcoming]
Candy Swap - [Forthcoming]
Drink Swap - [Forthcoming]

Theirs: Sent/Received
Book Swap - [Forthcoming]
Candy Swap - [Forthcoming]
Drink Swap - [Forthcoming]

Oct-Dec To Do's, in Order/Due Dates

wanderlustlover: (Holiday: Yule - Faroh's blank)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
I have too many plates already spinning with me ...and now we tell of Yuletide Treasures (including 6 mini challenges & the 3 swaps) to throw my hat into writing for Holly Poly this year, but I'm so delighted by it's simple existence.

I can't wait to see what stories come out of there. It'll be a nice boost in early January.
wanderlustlover: (Beauty Sailor Moon - allinye)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
This year has become something of an anime central in my world. I had watched the occasional show a long time before now. Sailor Moon happened throughout my childhood. Ouran High School Host Club happened during Milliways, and playing Haruhi. Utena Revolutionary Girl started during the end of Stephanie and a finished nearly two years later with Laura. The smattering of a million things in-between. Ghost in the Shell, and Akira, and Evangelion, Ronin Warriors, Cowboy Bebop, and on as advised seldom over time.

But, it had been a while even between Utena, and the years after cosplaying it, and Laura dragging me into Yuri!!! On Ice one fateful snowstorm last Christmas break. Somewhere in there, between Yuri!!! On Ice getting a best friend & roleplaying hook in and another girl friend in Geek Girl Brunch who was only too helpful with getting me recs, I fell hook, line and heavy metal weight into the anime section checking off things down lists as I was going.

I watched Your Name and A Silent Voice. Had my heart blown apart (possibly never to entirely return back to the shape is was) by Grave of the Fireflies. I loaded up in rows Princess Jellyfish, Madoka Magic, Free, and Attack on Titan. Movie Madness Night (an every last Friday of the month event I put on for friends now) saw me through watching the first episode or two of Food Wars.

I fell not-quite-by-accident into The Ancient Magus Bride, without any help, simply due to following some news on CrunchyRoll once that subscription happened. I bought an early, full pass, to Fathom's Studio Ghbili Fest 2017, even though I've seen all the movies at least once. (It's been glorious seeing them on the big screen though.)

I joined my city's once-a-month free screenings at a movie theatre by Anime at the Alamo group, but I've only managed one month of like four not to be either already scheduled on the night of their showing or not to have already scheduled something on every other night of the week and desperate for a break. For that night we watched Dimension W. I watched Castlevania with all my friends/family when it hit Netflix.

Somewhere in the late spring, almost out-for-the-summer, I got voluntold into The Anime Club at my high school (and the Nerdvana Con Meeting), which has only just started these last few weeks. The first meeting they listed anime's they might want to watch across the year and came up with a truly impressive 70+ individual titles. Their first three watching Friday's were dedicated to Princess Mononoke, and this Friday they'll move on to the first three episodes of Death Note.

They meet every Friday, but they probably won't end up watching more than 3-6 episodes of everything. We're doing a roulette tasting wheel of everything (and possibly there will be holiday themed pieces, too). If nothing else, it's going to end up with me exposed to a couple dozen different shows, all of which I might end up having to watch the whole rest of.

Which does not even touch the fact I have a queue longer than my arms of series rec's, too.

Pieces and parts of this ramble brought to you by the plethora of Yuri!!! On Ice things on my couch and shelves, watching the two new episodes of the newly started Ancient Magus' Bride post-OVA serial, and catching a (necessary to be pre-watched before handing off to the children on Friday) episode of Death Note with Laura before bed.
wanderlustlover: (Fan Girl - anon)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
[ Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V

Borrowing over a fandom meme from [personal profile] musesfool (who in turn is borrowing it over from [personal profile] misbegotten). 50 questions, because it seems a sensible thing to start in the middle of the night when I need something to place in the giant silence headed precisely nowhere, but did, at the very least, decide not to be a migraine.

Fandom Questions 50, Part I

Ship Questions for your Current Fandom

11. Who is your current OTP?
Given we left off last time, in my current fandoms being Yuri!!! On Ice, my current OTP obsession is Yuri Katsuki/Victor Nikiforov.

12. Who is your current OT3?
I...don't really have one in this canon? I often do at times, and I've read a handful of Chris/Victor/Yuri pieces and even Victor/Yuri/Yurio pieces in the long slog through tons of fic being written in A03 for this fandom in the spring/summer, but none of the OT3's are my hardcore loves.

Wait. I lied. The whatever it is/isn't that's going on with Emil & The Crispino's. I don't really ship incest much (>_> Yeah, I know. I have that one Skywalker fic, I know, and I've totally written meta on Simon-River, and read Flowers in the Attic as a kid). But. Emil and the Crispino's for serious. Emil, who flirts with both twins and tries to get both their attention, and who spends time checking them both out.

I'm here for whatever is happening with those three.

13. Any NoTPs?
None? I don't really have any glaring red alert problems with ships in this fandom.

14. Go on, who are your BroTPs?
The main trio, I suppose goes here? Yuri, Victor, and Yurio as the trio the art depicts as happening, even if the canon hasn't made happen in the slightest yet. I'm really living for the day we'll finally have canon on how that happens and why and where.

I want to see more of Yurio in the land that the last episode/two shows us, addressing that not just Victor, but Yurio, too has gotten his L-words of "love" and "life" from Yuri, as well. That he both carried it and shows it in different ways than anything we've seen with Victor. I want to see what happens to the Victor & Yurio dynamic, too, especially as the art paints these three always together, and yet interviews are still saying that Victor is still only truly his happier relaxed self about only Yuri, himself.

Everything about Yuri & Phichit's cutest best friends thing ever, where Phichit attached himself to Yuri's life forever and didn't let go, and Yuri totally came to appreciate it and Phichit and never wants that to end, no matter where in the world they are. Also, Victor & Chris' best-flirty-competitors-frenemies thing. I'm around for more in that book, too.

15. Is there an obscure ship which you love?
Early on Yakov/Lilia, and everything with a side of Minako/Lilia.

16. Are there any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike?

17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite?
Victor & Yuri, and yes, a million times over. My pocketbook is still feeling the constant burn, as is my inability to wait for tags, or for new merchandise/art, or for each of the new events I stalk across the universe, tracking down every crumb said everywhere about them by the creators.

18. What ship have you written the most about?
Given I'm playing Yuri over there, I'd have to say that answer is obvious.

19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them?
I'm not really all that invested in almost any other ship but the main one in this canon. I like skimming them in reading, and a lot of them come up. I have a passing fancy now and then with Sara/Mila. But really I'm not massively all over the other ships that are sailing in the YOI waters.

20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking?
Isabella/JJ. I don't have any true love for JJ as a character by himself, but I adore Bella's absolutely, unwavering dedication to the boy she loves and her entire scene standing up, crying, and still shouting his name, even in his defeat, has me almost teary eyed every time. I'm here for more Isabella Bela in the future, too.
wanderlustlover: (Friends: Be Gentle - erised_dream)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
I feel a lot lately like a huge puzzle that is rambling around, shaken and tossed and dropped, still within the confines of it's unopened box. All the sides rubbing against each other, but none of them in true connection in that darkness. None of them seeing the bigger picture, even seeing the colors on their opposite sides in that less than a square foot of darkness.

My work goes well. Actually, that is an understatement. After three years in Special Ed, and two and half months spent having panic attacks that I would never be able to handle this new job, I am doing stupendous for a first year alone. The lion share of my kids adore me, my down to earth nature, the music I play daily. They come for tutoring, and they come for recommendations to every which college and future placement.

My failure rate for my first six weeks was under 9%, which was not matched by anyone in either of my Junior or Senior AP teams, or my friend down in Pre-Ap I for English. I haven't gotten angry at them yet, but I am firm about my rules and about the things I will and I won't accept.

It's everything else that seems to be tossed up a lot. I'm too busy in the afternoons with extracurricular's: Leader Academy, Book/Comic Book Club, and Anime Club. I'm on the committee boards for Nerdvana Con, the SLO Pilot for Junior AP, and The Principal's Advisory (though at least Nerdvana Con's weekly planning meetings will end soon, as Nerdvana Con is in two weeks, thank you every deification everywhere).

My laundry hasn't really been finished in three weeks, even though I did 2/3rds of it the last time I started. Yuri on Ice is the one thing that really glues anything together in my evenings and mornings, which is too much to ask of one small show. The SciFi Meetup is generally, mostly, taking care of itself, while Geek Girl Brunch never does such a thing and goes up and down like a ship in the waves.

My DM is pregnant and DND sessions have been canceled for a good while. My health. . . probably deserves its own post, as it's another shaken around box without many air holes in it for the scrabbling that goes on inside of it anytime I have to think about it.

I miss my spiritual groups with a longing, an emptiness, and a nostalgia all swirled together that defies terms to name it. There are bridges I cannot and would not uncross, for things that were not good being done to others, and yet these spaces and places remain empty and I long.

I'm rambling without a course. My tiller is missing a bit lately.
wanderlustlover: (Love: Give Me Your Hand - bookelfe)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
Borrowing over a fandom meme from [personal profile] musesfool (who in turn is borrowing it over from [personal profile] misbegotten). 50 questions, because it seems a sensible thing to start in the middle of the night when I need something to place in the giant silence headed precisely nowhere, but did, at the very least, decide not to be a migraine.

Fandom Questions 50, Part I

1. What was the first fandom you got involved in?
It's hard to place the timing exactly, but it is either X-Men or Elfquest, as both started when I was knee-high to grasshopper. Given the X-Men cartoon is, apparently from 1992 (making me 9), and Elfquest was being defended, paper-dolled for Barbie, and read at least by kinder/first grade, it appears it's likely Elfquest. Which I'm entirely good with.

2. What is your latest fandom?
Yuri on Ice. It is a blackhole of beauty from which my pocketbook knows no end currently.

3. What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?
That. . .is a super hard question.

The fandoms themselves are long and varied, happened on many platforms, and go back as far as Subreality and Chat House, and as forward as Tumblr, Plurk, and Discord. I don't know if I have any specific, singular fandom involvements that have been radiant star favorites, but I have loved deeply a lot of cross-fandom things that I never lose love for and spend time reminiscing on still.

Milliways is one that never goes out of style for that.
So is while we tell of Yuletide treasures which I'll never not do.

4. Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms?
In the longest of long runs, I think I feel sometimes that one day I'm going to look back and feel that way about Twilight, but the Sparkle Mafia of Milliways really was just filled with too many amazing writers and I spent too long lost in the joy of writing eighty years before the books.

I am uncertain if I regret getting into a not-quite-a-fight with the actress from Hawaii Five-0 that I did, and still look at my life baffled that certain actress got that involved with me personally for show captioned write-ups.

5. Which fandoms have you written fanfiction for?

That is the sound of my pained laughter you can't hear, because the answer is like -- five billion?

My A03 reports it as the following:
Hawaii Five-0 (2010) (157), Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer (63), Once Upon a Time (TV) (58), Robin Hood (BBC 2006) (57), Milliways (38), X-Men (Comicverse) (31), Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis (24)
X-Men - All Media Types (20), Babylon 5 (18), Supernatural (17)

Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins (12), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling (11), Smallville (10), Farscape (9), X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies) (9), The Ordinary Princess - M.M. Kaye (8), Batman (Comics) (7), Beauty and the Beast (TV 1987) (7), DCU (Comics) (6), Tarot (Divination Cards) (6), Ysabel - Guy Gavriel Kay (5), The Fionavar Tapestry - Guy Gavriel Kay (5)

Becoming Jane (2007) (4), Star Wars - All Media Types (4), Robin Hood (Traditional) (3), Marvel (3), Hell on Wheels (TV) (3), Stargate SG-1 (3), Holes - Louis Sachar (3), Grey's Anatomy (3), Batgirl (Comics) (2), New Mutants (2), The Woods (2006) (2), The Sundering - Jacqueline Carey (2), Charmed (TV) (2), Superman (Comics) (2), Star Wars Prequel Trilogy (2), Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate (2), Superman - All Media Types (2), Firefly (2), Haven (TV) (2), Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (2), Xena: Warrior Princess (2)

Alias (TV) (1), The Last Unicorn - Peter S. Beagle (1), The Night Circus - Erin Morgenstern (1), The L Word (1), Robin Hood (1973) (1), Spider-Man - All Media Types (1), Wayfarer Redemption - Sara Douglass (1), Sanctuary (TV) (1), Kushiel's Legacy - Jacqueline Carey (1), Taken (TV 2002) (1), The Sandman (Comics) (1), Jeremiah (TV) (1), Burn Notice (1), Labyrinth (1986) (1), Titans (Comics) (1), Revenge (TV) (1), Princess Tutu (1), Nightwing (Comics) (1), The Originals (TV) (1), Green Arrow (Comics) (1), X-Men (Movieverse) (1), Battlestar Galactica (2003) (1), Leverage (1), Weapon X (Comics) (1), Roswell (TV) (1), Arthurian Mythology & Related Fandoms (1), Kabuki (Comic) (1), Heartwood (1), Terminator (Movies) (1), Robin (Comics) (1), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1), Elfquest (1), Dark Angel (1), The Symphony of Ages - Elizabeth Haydon (1), Robin of Sherwood (1), Glee (1), Terminator - All Media Types (1), Star Trek: Voyager (1), Band of Brothers (1), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types (1), Teen Titans - All Media Types (1), Tortall - Tamora Pierce (1)

6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.

Uh. This is going to be long and not as easy to copy-paste sadly.

Danny Williams/Steve McGarrett. Edward Cullen/Carlise Cullen. Snow White/Prince Charming, Emma Swan/The Huntsman & Gold/Belle. Marian/Robin Hood (which will also be trumped for life by Marian/Caspian, too). Jean Grey/Logan, Jean/Ororo, Kitty/Illyana, Kitty/Piotr. Lyta Alexander/Zach. Jo Harvelle/Dean Winchester (but also Jo/Dean/Rachel, Jo/Kol/Thorfinn). Peeta/Katniss. Ron Weasley/Hermione Granger. Chloe/Clark/Lex. Dick Grayson/Barbara Gordon. Anakin/Padme, Luke/Mara Jade. Meredith/Dereck. Piper/Leo. Wash/Zoe, Inara/Mal, Kaylee/Simon. Lois/Clark. Vaugn/Sydney. Marco/Celia. Helen/John.

7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in.

I don't really end up running around much with NoTP's as I'm very much a ship and let ship kind of girl. The only thing I don't do is seriously underaged ships, and by seriously I mean like deeply, seriously, non-content age of consent underaged, like kids-kids, below the age of physical maturation. It's on my far as you can go no wrong squick.

8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom?
I was sitting in a snowstorm in Laura's house over Christmas when I got to watch the whole finished season, and there was light consideration of the topic afterward, but it all sorts of snowballed when Shannon threw one of the characters into a sandbox and then there was gaming, and then there were cons, and then my entire life turned into direct to the runners stream updates, acrylics buying, and zine stalking.

It's probably only a matter of time for the fic bug bites me and that happens, too.

9. What are the best things about your current fandom?

That even though it's going through a sort of mid-fall lull, there's still new news, new merchandise, new zines, and new canon on the horizon not far away. Plus, a whole lot of the fandom is hugely excited for the actual Senior Grand Prix Finale (5 days and counting now! <3), which is all sorts of infectious and lovely to both watch and take part in.

10. Is there a fandom you read fic from but don’t write in?

Tons. Especially around Yuletide time. But, also, because even when I've wandered off from a fandom I'm still following a ton of subscriptions on A03 which means I get updates from people in those fandoms still, too, or even more fandoms they fall into and then I end up reading those, as well.
wanderlustlover: (Lonely Searching- Linda)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
It's late, and it's been awhile.

You know that when you start clearing out every old following setting and somehow lost how to get to your friends page for about three minutes of perusing the FAQ. I have been thinking a lot about my journal in amid a lot of missing things and shifting places. I fluffed the pillows and I'm going to go fill in the beginning of a long a survey while I don't do the only thing I should be doing to be able to be up, again, at 6: go to sleep.

It's a thing. Maybe will get to that at a point, too.